To Be Alone With You
by x.May-chan.x
Summary: Oneshot. Their little secret meetings were their personal comforts, some time to do nothing but enjoy the peace of the seashore at night. [YohLys]


-1_I'd swim across lake Michigan ; I'd sell my shoes ; I'd give my body to be back again; In the rest of the room _

"Lyseeeerg-dono..."

One would think after a few past visits, the hissing sound of your name at the window wouldn't be startling at all, still, though, Lyserg jumped at the noise. Maybe it was the thought that was always an inner unease that there was a dead man hovering just outside his window, hissing for him. It could have been his dream, thinking of Meene and Venstar and Cebin, all being killed so brutally in front of him. Anything could have caused the sharp little gasp of fright coming out of his lungs like a jet plane.

Amidamaru made a face and motioned a little for him to be quiet, a reminder, and to come outside. The green haired boy nodded slowly as he caught himself and looked around the room, sighing out a long breath of air. He scuffled out of bed, across the way to his drawers to throw on his pajamas over his boxers. It was too chilly and not informal enough to head out barely clothed like that. There was no way he could stomach meeting him like that, especially.

With ease, he scaled down the side of the ship to the sandy beach with his dowsing pendulum's string, hitting the heat-holding sand with a little shiver. It was cool even in the ship and the warmth still held by the grains from the sunny day was comforting on his bare feet. He drew back the string and looked around expectantly.

"Lyserg!"

_To be alone with you; To be alone with you; To be alone with you; To be alone with you _

Lyserg gave another start, looking over and smiling with his sad eyes unfocussed.

"Yoh!"

With a quick breath he started running, stumbling when his feet sunk too far and falling with an odd grace against the other boy's body, arms flinging around his neck and supporting his weight on him. It wasn't difficult, Lyserg wasn't big and the other wasn't a weakling. He heard the gentle, kind little chuckle echo in his hair as arms fell around his own shoulders.

It was the best sound in the world.

"Shhh, they'll hear you, remember?" Yoh reminded, as Lyserg looked up. He tapped Lyserg's nose and got a gracious little giggle out of the British boy, his own smile blossoming wider. He let him go, helped him stand up straight, and lead him towards a more secluded and safe part of the beach. Staying near the ship, they learned the first time, was a bad choice as they would definitely be caught.

Night was calm and quieting, and as they nestled into the sand and against each other, Lyserg felt himself calm. The distance between them was shut and there wasn't a need for fears with someone so strong beside him. To have Yoh's confidence was a dream, and to know it made believing in him so unwavering. It was astounding. He sighed softly and held onto Yoh's lean arm like a lifeline, shutting his eyes and turning off the world for a few minutes. This world was much better, after all.

"You don't seem happy..."

_You gave your body to the lonely; They took your clothes; You gave up a wife and a family; You gave your goals _

Lyserg's eyes peeled wide open to hear them, tensing his hold on the arm and feeling his heartbeat faster, focusing his attention out on the sea now as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. "But I am," he remarked, with a sure nature in his voice that just provoked Yoh to look down at him.

That full frown, Yoh beat it straight into his skull just by directing it at him. The brunette, watching the smaller boy tense and stay silent, sighed a little in disappointment, looking out to the sea too. "You can tell me," he insisted, with a mild interest. His persuasion methods were to be subtle. He didn't likte to force people into doing things, but to hold stuff in was so hard. He knew it, first hand, as he never told a soul anything so long as he could avoid it. He sighed, heavier, and rest his cheek on Lyserg's. "I don't want you to have regrets in your decisions... not if they'll only make you sad."

Lyserg felt himself tense further, and Yoh felt it too, as Lyserg swallowed down his tears and shook his head. "Why did they have to be killed like that, Yoh?" he asked, looking at the sand as if it were at fault. "They all were good people. Maybe you don't think so anymore... but they were... they wanted to save the world. They wanted everyone to be at peace, like the Maiden does... why couldn't I do anything?"

"Your heart is in the right place, Lyserg... you shouldn't blame yourself for what happened anymore... you aren't at fault.. they chose to die from the start."

"That doesn't justify it! Not at all!" Lyserg heard himself shout, turning sharply towards Yoh with a fierce expression. Yoh just smiled back, and he hated it. Even when he was mad, Yoh couldn't look angrily back at him. Not once did he ever give him a look of hate or disdain as Lyserg could spare him, only an angry look that was swallowed in concern. It was unbelievable. He couldn't understand it, or him, none of it. Even the strong feeling in his heart couldn't help him understand him. "They didn't want to die like that, they didn't want to become a part of him! His PLAN! It may have been their choice in the beginning, but it didn't end their choice! He... STOLE them!" he shouted, anger boiling, shaky. Yoh placed his palm over Lyserg's mouth and an index feeling to his own. He hushed him softly.

It was like every pang of anger just absorbed into him, was purified, and radiated back as a tranquil sun beam.

_To be alone with me; To be alone with me; To be alone with me; You went up on a tree _

"... I don't understand... how I can sit here and yell at you... and think in my head 'This was you, this was this person that's a part of it. It's this person that is a part of him, and might be a part of Hao someday and kill people I love too'... and you don't give off even a moment of being tense or angry back at me..." Lyserg mumbled. His eyes were downcast again and he waited for a reply, receiving none, until he looked up expectantly and saw that soft, goofy smile. He drew in a deep breath and flung himself wildly at Yoh, who only toppled over, submissive to the bout of rage, and allowed the other to shake him in a frenzy as the British boy sat on his belly, in tears now.

"Why can't you hate me?! For everything I think, I feel, and everything I want to ... fucking KILL YOU FOR just for being a PART OF HIM and... and being a part of the thing that destroyed my life-- WHY CAN'T YOU HATE ME?!" he screamed at him, green eyes flaming almost red for a moment as he hit a peak of an extreme.

The brunette coughed a few times, looking up at him with the same kind smile, not a stitch of it out of place, and tipped his head a little to the side. "Because... I see the good in you, Lyserg, and because you hurt... I want to make you happy. You're my friend, Lyserg," he said quietly, reaching up a hand and placed it on Lyserg's face, feeling the wet trail where tears were apparent but hard to see in the dark night. "It's clear on your face that even if you would kill someone, even Hao, it would tear you up inside.. because you're good Lyserg. You're hurt... but you still had strength to move on. Something about that makes me want to protect you, so you don't get hurt again," he chuckled a little and shut his eyes. "I guess I didn't do such a good job."

Lyserg bit down on his lip and swallowed harder, breath still coming in labored bouts and making the world seem to move slower. "How can you say these things? And why... why can you make me forget every sure thought in my head and make me question it? I can trust every word you say, even though I know you're Hao's sibling. When I glared at you that day with so much hate... when you gave up your role in the tournament, you still told me you were happy to see me... I don't... understand you at all," Lyserg mumbled, confused and feeling drained away by the smile he was receiving. He leaned down and pressed his lips to the buddha-like boy who only replied with a warm, caring response. It made Lyserg just feel more frustrated. How could a person be like this? He broke the lip lock and proceeded to bury himself in Yoh's shoulder and continue to tremble with tears and mumbles of questions Yoh wished he could answer.

_To be alone with me you went up on the tree _

Still, somehow, in the quiet dark of Yoh's shoulder, only interrupted by the soft hum Yoh graced his ear with like forgiving him for any negative thought was almost a breeze, the world shut off and was okay again. Everyone was alive again and the earth was quiet and filled with good. He could find tranquility in the world that Yoh kept hidden in the shadows of his shirt and he found himself wondering if this was why Yoh was the perfect candidate for Shaman King. That he could calm him down and make him feel like the turbulent world had come to a soothing aftermath just by rubbing his back and humming a lullaby against his ear; was that what made him the one who deserved it most? 

He couldn't decide, not when sleep came so easy here. After all, here, in this dark and warm world, there was no battle tomorrow. There was no one dying by that afternoon. There was no Hao. There was no revenge.

There was just someone who loved him and someone he could love.

_I'll never know the man who loved me._


End file.
